We meet Rosemary lying on the floor of her house, sobbing. Heartbroken. The doorbell rings. It's a Pizza Delivery Guy. Rosemary can't stop crying. She wants love, but it never works out. Fortunately for Rosemary, this Pizza Delivery Guy has the answer: forget about love and focus on wild random sex for once in her life. We cut to a fun slut-training montage where Pizza Delivery Guy teaches Rosemary his skanky ways and Rosemary learns to sexually liberate herself. Rosemary thinks she's mastered...

Lance Clayton is a man who has learned to settle. He dreamed of being a rich and famous writer, but has only managed to make it as a high school poetry teacher. His only son Kyle is an insufferable jackass who won't give his father the time of day. Lance is dating Claire, the school's adorable art teacher, but she doesn't want to get serious -- or even acknowledge publicly that they are dating. Then, in the wake of a freak accident, Lance suffers the worst tragedy and greatest opportunity of his...